10 years ago TODAY I gave birth to an amazing and oh so magical divine star child. She was and is all I ever imagined and dreamed her into being. She is my greatest teacher but getting her here did not go as envisioned.
It took 3 long years and 4 miscarriages before she was ready. During this time, nothing felt safe or reassured. My world was shattered and I had lost all trust in myself and the Universe. Nothing could make sense of all the pain and anguish I was experiencing. I played the shame and guilt game over again about doing something wrong, not enough, not worthy, not capable something wrong with me to cause these miscarriages. I didn't know my rights and choices as a mother when experiencing a loss of pregnancy, even as an educated trauma informed therapist.
I was so scared to trust or believe in anything keeping her safe, especially myself. All my old stories came up from childhood sexual trauma, body shame, and human unworthiness. I wanted control of everything and felt control of nothing.
Then SHE was ready.
The brilliant and empathic Dr. who agreed to birth my daughter into this world happen to be on vacation when she decided to come a week after her due date. No doula, no home or water birth, nothing that felt so right in my bones was going to happen with this high risk pregnancy.
This unfamiliar Dr. used words like “she should fit but those are some big shoulders” did not bring comfort and calm. There was force, not gentleness. Suction and pulling. I was numb and not present. I lost a lot of blood and it got scarier for a while.
We brought home a beautiful being of light and she was everything. I still struggled physically and emotionally but we figured it out as we went. Not what my beautiful plan entailed but we did it.
10 years ago I didn't feel like I had a lot of choices of how to birth my daughter into the world. Fear overpowered trust and love on multiple levels.
Today I get to choose how I birth new creations into this word and how I nurture them. I get to rewrite my birthing story so that my creations aren’t clouded by fear and self doubt when manifesting.
This NEW story is one that is written through the HEART LENS of love and not the doubts and fears of the past.
Today I rewrite my birthing story. My story of how I chose to birth my creations into this world. My story of how I choose to rebirth my Sacred Feminine Self into this world. Today I Chose to bring HER, into this world with love, gentleness, beauty, pleasure, calm, peace, and not fear. Today I choose to have doulas, helping, guiding, and cheering me on all the way. Today I chose to create the experience how I envisioned and wanted the sacred process to be.
All of us get this opportunity to rewrite how we want to bring in something NEW to this world. New ideas, new creations, new awakened parts of selves, new approaches to live a soul led life. It all deserves to be birthed in a loving safe and supported way.
We ALL get a chance to rewrite our stories and let go of the pain and trauma of the past way of doing things.
This is OUR COLLECTIVE story to rewrite.
WE have a chance this year in 2020 to rewrite how we chose to bring back the balance of masculine and feminine energies into existing.
It is my destiny, and our divine story to be here at this time in history to birth HER back into the world and create sacred balance within ourselves, others, and the planet.
It does not have to be through fear of the past, but through the lens of love and evolution.
With Love and Evolution, Molly xo
A Call to Sacred Action
Create a Birthing Alter
What are you ready to birth into being? Creations, yourself? A new way of being?
What is your birthing plan?
What do you need to feel loved, supported, held, nurtured, and calm during this time?
What do you need to allow yourself to move forward with openness and trust the unknown of the process?
What do you want to create into this world? Let that be your guide to creating your Birthing Alter.
Chose images, crystals, totems, pieces from nature. Follow your intuition to lead you to what you are ready to live. See yourself already living what you love. Let it light you up from the inside and breathe into the feelings. Take Sacred Action: Allow your soul to lead the way to one step towards your desires. Do one thing that you love everyday. Start living what you love!